Camilleth’s Confessional

(Camilleth is a character of my own creation, and the persona of this poem. I won’t go too far into explaining this time, but I feel like she is a part of my creative process lately, so I am speaking through her.)

Goddess forgive me for my doubting faith,
I sully your ranks of devout druid.
I watched as you waxed and you waned over my sleepless form.
I dared a whisper of hope,
and when in company, you gave me someone kind enough to guide me to you,
he was taken and I was alone.
Once more you take from me a person who I held in my heart for comfort.
I can’t understand your eternal reasons,
my mortal mind quells at mortal folly.
Forgive me, Goddess, for I think more about that night of conversation between two strangers,
than I have ever thought of you.
Though, I doubt I will ever see him again,
I wish that I could have one last conversation, even to tell him the lie I have told myself over and over again:
“I have forgotten you, and you don’t matter to me.”
That sweet lie that I tell myself won’t make him stay, but then I know nothing I say will.
If he could see into my hardened heart, he would know that I have kept him there, despite my endless suffering.
The lack of hope that he may return, makes my chest so heavy, I can barely breathe. Do I dare to hope?
That existential conversation made me feel like I could trust him, and that is not a feeling had known well.
How he pushed me to achieve the deepest desire of my being, and how I hold him in the corner of my mind
simply because I miss him.
How can I love him and hate him so similarly?
You lead me to him, my Moon, and showed me that you could just as simply take him back?
I am the loamy earth, never giving enough to them, but how I desire to be nurturing.
Forgive my impiety, but I must confess, I wish that you would allow me just one Ray of hope.
I cherish your creatures and my love does not waver,
but I must ask you this small favor.

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