I Don’t Understand

I hold my breath to answer
you.
my hands are shaking and my racing heart
is relishing the thrill when we talk to each other and others are aware of us.
I told you on a night
before you left town—
and you knew what I didn’t say.
It’s what you said first,
but this is superficial.

So, now I am trying to figure out
where this line I drew in the sand
got blurred.
I see you using my words
and something stirs in me,
even if they are so used to flirt
with other women.

I never asked for you to say it,
and you and I are… what?
I don’t mind that you skip out on me,
because I know that I would like to forget
that feeling of wishing to get just close enough.
I want to love you so much,
and you make it so easy not to.
I’m not bothered if you want to find somebody else.
I won’t lose myself
in yet another person
who is too busy.

And it’s not the nights I stay up waiting for you
or the way you love them right in front of me.
It’s nothing like that,
but when you open up to me
when you tell me things that no one knows…
You have to know.

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