The Spider’s First Regret

I uttered something shameful
in response to every compliment,
every time you said ‘I love you’,
and the promises of everlasting friendship.

I tried to avoid answering
every time that someone asked me,
and I’ll be honest, my feelings are ever-changing, so it’s not me playing coy.

I did, sometimes, feel strongly for you,
and sometimes I felt nothing,
but the worst part was the torture
of not really knowing if I could
depend on you.

I was jealous of any girl you spoke to,
and sometimes it was overwhelming
because if I could not have you, I didn’t
want you to have me either,
and what friend has such sordid feelings?

It hurt to be compared to your ex,
and the fascination in giving me
advice, which sometimes lead me
to believe your morals were in
question.

I don’t understand my feelings,
because usually I am able to
separate the truth from fiction.
This is where my over-imagination
turns from creative design
to paranoia.

Tell me if I am doing more
than merely speculating,
because at this point I
am feeling so unsure.

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