I wonder what would 

tempt to cut away the life in me.

To feel it rush out, spilling

onto the ground. To allow harm 

to myself.

There is a sick churning in my

stomach at the thought,

a gnawing, nervous notion

that began as a silent prayer.

Would it be better to find some way,

painless, less messy?

But I know the truth of painless,

it would only be painless to me.

No speculation of a car running,

left in enclosed space, 

fumes that lull you into 

dreamless sleep.

And though my loved ones,

my family and friends,

close acquaintances, and others

may feel the eerie effects of what

was done, it is not

their tears that spare me.

To end my story seems such 

a deep shame, I would swear

I’d never recover in the afterlife.

I’d swear it on my soul.

A Decision to be Made

Hulking and heavy, a boulder
hoisted high above a pit,

looming, whispers and

baited breath from below

to chance a glimpse

the moment that it drops.

These few seconds of suspense,

a tiresome feat to behold, do little 

to help the one trying to be anchor, 

pulling on the ropes in every desperate 

attempt to keep the rock above.

It’s seen in the dust that is stirred up,

the unsteady steps that keep trying

to find a more helpful foothold,

the shoes worn down til the soles

have no traction, and the silent

resolve in a grip of a person

whose shaking arms have lasted this long

in a struggle between what 

is possible and probable, but

the boulder seeks to take captor

with it, allow the chasm to swallow

whole the one who grasps, white-knuckled.

Is it better to let go of the heavy stone 

and move on, in disappointment,

 than lose footing and fall in after?


​Time to understand this notion,

this temporary madness instilled within my own,

still a whisper, barely evident in the eve of this

shadow who is listening and taking into account.

There is nothing in this space, but the small footfalls,

unholy thoughts no longer allowed to enter,

come to collect some buried mystery
or another.

Enter and leave at your leisure,

but disrupt and take only what you may account for;

many varied verse will take and entrance

to let the dreams enjoy brief respite

for the realist tomorrow they face,

and fall not for the many faces that it shows,

it is only one who masquerades as two or three,

but is only one.